


safe to be

by matslightwood (unbrokengibberish)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 04:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6141214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbrokengibberish/pseuds/matslightwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Alec's world slowly crumbles, he finds himself in the one place where he can be exactly who he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	safe to be

**Author's Note:**

> all mistakes are my own.

His shoulders hurt. His shoulders always hurt, but now it’s like a million buildings are falling on his back and he’s the only one holding them up. The Institute. Everything in Idris. Everything all stuck on him and it aches. 

He feels small, smaller than he ever has. He towers above everyone, but he feels like he can’t reach them. Can’t tell them what he feels. Can’t tell them what he wants. Even if he tried, it wouldn’t come out right. They wouldn’t understand. Maybe Izzy would, but it’s not enough. 

There’s one person though. One person whose building he paces in front of now. He doesn’t know how he got here. He just had to get out of there; get out of that place that he’s dedicated his whole life to. He doesn’t remember walking or getting a cab or taking the subway, he just knows where he is and that he feels drawn to this place. This man. 

“Alexander,” the musical voice calls out, and he jerks his head towards the sound. Magnus stands on his stoop, kohl lined eyes twinkling even from here. His face softens as he takes in the expression on Alec’s own. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Alec flinches, an involuntary reaction to something he doesn’t even understand, but he takes a step forward. He opens his mouth to speak, but as usual his words get stuck and he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know if it’s Magnus’s presence or the fact that he feels like he’s falling apart. 

“As much as I love the moonlight on that creamy skin, maybe we’d be more comfortable upstairs?” 

“I don’t want to intrude?” It sounds like a question, like his mind doesn’t know if that’s what he meant to say. 

“You’re never an intrusion, Alexander,” Magnus says, a soft smile on his lips that touches his eyes in an enticing way. 

He feels his skin flush, too warm for the cool night, but he takes a step forward, follows Magnus upstairs. 

Magnus guides him to the leather couch, the one that he had cleaned just a few weeks ago. How had so much happened in just a few weeks? He’s losing everything; it feels like the world is crumbling. 

He can feel Magnus’s eyes, yellow-green and cat-like, watching him, but he doesn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t know why I came here,” is what he settles on. 

Magnus laughs, lightly and to himself but Alec hears it. He’s already so attuned to this man and he’s only known him for a few weeks. 

“Well, I’m glad this is where you wandered off to,” Magnus says, voice calming. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Your sister, Isabelle, called me in a sort of fit a little while ago wondering if I knew where you were.” 

He doesn’t think about Izzy knowing more about him that he knows. He doesn’t think about her worried look as he’d stormed out of his room, leaving the Institute late in the night. He doesn’t think about any of it. 

“I just-- I--” 

“You just needed to get away. I understand. We all need a bit of a vacation from our responsibilities once in awhile.” 

Alec doesn't like the way that sounds, like he left his duties behind, like he’s not giving up his life for the Clave, for his parents. 

“Why do my responsibilities include marrying a _woman_ I don’t even know? Why does Jace get to flounce around with Clary and Izzy just has to dress more conservatively, but I have to lock myself up, pretend I’m not who I am?” 

He’s breathing hard, like he’s just fought off a hoard of demons. 

“I’m sorry-- I shouldn’t-- I don’t know why--” 

Magnus’s hand drops to his knee, which is angled toward him on the couch. “You don’t have to apologize, Alec.” He likes the way Magnus says his name, like it’s precious, like he’s something special. “It’s not good to keep all the bottled up.” 

“You sound like Izzy,” Alec says in reply. He sinks against the back of the couch, feeling bad for criticizing his sister. He knows it’s hard for her too, knows it’s more than just changing her clothes. By the Angel, he knows better than anyone what it’s like to be forced to change everything about yourself to please others. 

He looks at Magnus. The Warlock is looking back at him so intently that it almost takes the rest of his breath. He can’t read the look on his face; it’s a mix between desire and sympathy and empathy all mixed with something else he doesn’t understand. 

“What happened tonight, Alexander?” Magnus’s hand still rests on his knee and he has a hard time focusing on anything other than the warmth radiating from him. 

“Lydia Branwall showed up this afternoon. They want me to marry her.” He looks down at Magnus’s hand against his dark jeans. He feels when Magnus stiffens just a bit, his hand freezing on Alec’s leg. 

“And you didn’t like her?” His voice sounds calculated like he’s trying too hard. 

“She’s fine. She seems smart and like she knows what’s she’s talking about, but--” He cuts himself off. 

“But what?” 

“She’s not what’s in my heart,” he finally says, echoing the words that Magnus spoke to him earlier today. He feels Magnus relax. 

Magnus doesn’t say anything, so Alec drags his eyes up to look into the Warlock’s. That thing that he couldn’t name earlier is back; it almost looks like sorrow, like Magnus feels bad for Alec, almost like he doesn’t know what to say. 

Alec doesn’t know what to say either. He knows why he came here. He was drawn here like there’s a magnetic pull tugging his heart in the right direction while his head tells him it’s not okay. But this is where he wants to be. He doesn’t want to be at the Institute. He doesn’t want to be with Lydia. He doesn’t want his family. He just wants to be with Magnus. Magnus, the man he’s only known for a short time but who already means so much to Alec. And that, all of that, terrifies him. 

He sits up on the couch, throwing Magnus’s hand off his knee. 

“I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry I came here.” He goes to stand up, planning to run as fast as he can out of this place, but a hand catches his wrist. 

“It’s okay, Alec,” Magnus says, and his voice is so sincere that Alec actually believes him. He relaxes slightly on the couch. “You can stay here tonight again if you want to.” 

Alec feels his face flush. 

“I-- I don’t---” 

“There’s a spare room down the hall. I don’t plan on ravishing you quite yet. Plus, I want you to be in the right mindset when that does happen.” Magnus smirks, but it’s soft, and Alec’s whole face is on fire, but he somehow manages to smile slightly. He leans back into the couch. Magnus’s hand still on his wrist, but more relaxed, his thumb rubbing back and forth gently.

“Thank you, Magnus,” he says, softly. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he was and as he leans back on the couch, it’s almost impossible to keep his eyes open. 

“Anything for you, Alexander.” 

He feels Magnus’s light touch against the skin on the inside of his wrist, drawing lazy patterns. He feels safe here. Safe to be exactly who he is. The pain in his shoulders subsides slightly as he drifts to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at these characters. My only knowledge comes from the show and Wiki articles, so be kind and patient. I hope to get a better grasp on them as time progresses, but I wanted to dabble here. 
> 
> My Tumblr is @matheusdadario and I'm always open to chat about Matt and Alec and the wonderful relationship that is Magnus x Alec. Happy Shadowhunters Tuesday!


End file.
